The Life Tales of Edwina

Kamu boleh pergi, tapi tolong pastikan dan berjanjilah untuk menemukan seseorang yang akan mencintaimu lebih dari aku mencintaimu.

If you ever leave, I definitely not going healed by myself because I can not. Tell me how do I live without touching your skin? Without your smell? Without see your eyes? Without hear your voice? Without hug your back? Tell me before you do, please.

How can I hurt him, not a single second. How can I hurt someone I gave my whole life to. How can I hurt someone who give me another world I didn't found in anywhere before. How can I hurt someone like him. Tell me how can I??! 

Bisa ga ya aku being good enough for you, for us, literally dreaming having our family and grow old together, having our kiddos, spending everyday together watching you and our kids playin. Bener bener pengen kamu yang ada di posisi itu. I really want to spent my lifetime with you.

Nothing hurts more than somebody you love lose all the spark in you, and they dont any longer want to hold you.

"line..", bunyi sound notification messenger app favoritku. Ada pop up message berjudul "Si Sayang *emoji love warna biru*". (Aku tau aku se cheesy itu huhu..) Tertulis "Tiati", pesan singkat terdiri dari 5 abjad yang sudah cukup mengisi energiku menghadapi jajaran pertanyaan mendebarkan yang harus aku jawab nantinya. Hari ini adalah hari yang cukup bisa membuat nafasku tak beraturan. 15 menit yang terasa panjang, iya.. interview kerja, untuk yang kesekian kalinya. Sejauh ini belum cukup muak, aku masih bisa menikmati nya, yahh walaupun kadang sering kecewa mendapati tulisan "belum lolos" di inbox emailku. Lagi pula hasil lelah-lelah ini toh nantinya untuk kita nikmatin sendiri juga, InsyaAllah.. "Aku pengen.. besok, kalau kita udah settled bareng, kita bisa inget hari dimana kita berdua pusing dan lembur nyelesaiin TA bareng setiap hari, kita berdua pernah capek bawa map yang isinya berkas lamaran buat ditaruh ke beberapa kantor ya...

People once asked me, what will I choose between loving someone or loved by someone? I answered "loved by someone". "Why?" they asked me again, "cause we dont need to wondering all night are they really love us or not, what should we do for them to make them stay, through the exhausting anxiety, jealousy and insecurity we know they still love us the same." he noded to my answer, well I know loving someone is hurts. Knowing they'll be fine without us knowing they have nothing to lose in us maybe, meanwhile we are struggling to dying from pain without them, whatever they did we're still accept it even it's really hurt us, because, we love them .. selfishly deep. We know, the fact of staying together is hard but stay apart will be harder for us. We know fight and losing an arguments for them every week is easier than losing them forever. We really know that. And yes, I do have someone, that I really love. I have someone to fight and lose an arg...